The gist: Learn to set goals without Hustle Culture's pressure. Gentle goal-setting helps neurodivergent and disabled individuals set meaningful goals without burnout or perfectionism.
Has it ever felt like traditional goal-setting makes it harder to do the things you want, instead of easier?
Or is that just me?
But the problem isn’t goal-setting, it’s Hustle Culture.
When you’re questioning and unlearning Hustle Culture, it can be difficult to separate its toxic mindsets from the activities and habits they’ve seeped into, like goal-setting or improving your productivity.
And while taking a “detox” from them temporarily can help, I think it’s a missed opportunity not to try and re-incorporate them back into your life later.
Because once you unlearn the most toxic mindsets from Hustle Culture, you can set goals that help you be yourself, instead of trying to change yourself according to Hustle Culture’s rules (I call these “new year, more me” goals to combat the “new year, new me” mindset Hustle Culture promotes).
I’ve been working on how I approach goals in general over the past few years, trying to figure out how to untangle them from toxic productivity. Eventually, I came up with an approach that works for me, and may work for you, too.
I like to call it Gentle Goal-Setting.
But before I explain it, let’s contrast it with what it’s replacing for most of us.
The way most of us have learned to think about and set goals, the Hustle Culture way, approaches them like:
- It’s not just possible, but expected, to be perfect in all areas of our lives.
- You can just brute-force your way to success with enough effort and discipline.
- There’s no point to “small” goals or progress.
- Shame is a sustainable form of motivation.
- Failing to reach an arbitrary goal by an arbitrary date means you’re a failure as a person.
And when this is how most of us have approached goals in the past, no wonder we have a complicated relationship with them!
No wonder we associate them with failure, making us feel “less than,” and all those other messy feelings.
But what if we approached goal-setting differently?
What if, instead of using goals as a way to punish ourselves for not being "enough," we used them as gentle guideposts for intentional life choices?
About gentle goal-setting
In constrast to hustley, “go-getter” goals, gentle goals are about helping yourself to the things you want and need to do, with a heaping dose of radical acceptance and self-compassion.
How gentle goal-setting approaches goals
As opposed to approaching goals with perfectionism and shame as the primary drivers, gentle goal-setting approaches them like:
- It’s completely normal for everyone to have different personal goals and intrinsic motivations.
- All the areas of our life impact each other, with health and self-care having a huge influence on productivity, so we setting intentions for all of them.
- We can’t be “growing,” let alone perfect, in every life area at all times.
- Our actions are influenced by more than pure time, effort, and willpower.
- Wins and progress of all sizes matter, because small steps build momentum and confidence.
- Self-kindness, self-compassion, and curiosity are more effective and sustainable forms of motivation than shame and negative self-talk (because they are!).
- The only thing that failing to meet an arbitrary goal means, is that it wasn’t the right time for you to meet that goal. So you can either try a different goal, or a different approach to achieving it.
For example, where Hustle Culture might have you setting health goals like “run a mile every day” (when you don’t even like running) or productivity goals like “wake up at 5am for 2 hours of deep work on weekdays,” gentle goal-setting encourages goals more like “exercise for at least 5 minutes daily” (where any movement counts) and “do deep work three times a week.”
Why gentle goal-setting works
With gentle goal-setting, your goals are like something behind you on your journey that can nudge you along when it’s hard to move forward yourself.
Like enthusiastic cheerleaders rooting you on, and helpful navigators pointing towards the next step on the path. 
Approaching your goals this way makes reaching them easier, because your goals and the way you think about them are exciting, motivating, and most importantly, realistic for you.
Contrast that with Hustle Culture goals, which can feel more like a brick wall in between yourself and the things you want to do. And you either have to punch through it or climb over it to get past, turning a regular walking path into a high-stakes obstacle course.
How to get started with gentle goal-setting
Ready to try setting gentle goals instead of hustle ones? Here are a few tips for getting started:
- Get the mindset right before you start: think about how you can more easily be who you already are, instead of trying to change who you are to better fit Hustle Culture’s and society’s standards. Here’s some advice for doing that.
- Shake off the “shoulds:” Focus on things you actually, really want or need to do. Things that you’re confident will make your life easier, more fulfilling, or more enjoyable. Forget about the things that feel like “shoulds” and “supposed tos,” but are really just other people’s expectations. For example, do you need to start a monetized side hustle, or do you really just need a creative hobby?
- Go beyond work and health: Most people only think about these categories when they set goals, and approach them from a surface level at that. Instead, set goals for all areas of your life, including rest, self-care, and recreation. This can help prevent over-fixating on work and productivity goals at the expense of your self-care.
- Address real problems: Set goals around solving specific problems you’re actually experiencing right now vs. vague “wants to be better,” which are usually rooted in Hustle Culture’s obsession with self-improvement. For example, one of my main health problems is high blood pressure, so my fitness goals are focused on things to manage that, versus a vague societal ideal of “being healthy.”
- Plan pit stops: For bigger or more longer-term goals, set small milestone goals on the way to the end destination to keep momentum and progress feeling tangible, which can help keep your motivation up.
Try going gentler on yourself
If you’ve only ever experienced the Hustle Culture kind of goals, you deserve to experience a better kind. A gentler kind.
While helpful, goal-setting is a completely optional thing to do in life.
Why do it in a way that only makes you feel worse about yourself?
Do it gentler, or don’t do it at all.