Shine Over Shame: How to Build Habits with ADHD

The gist: Big ADHD feelings making habit-building tough? Explore strategies that use rewards, self-pride, and positive emotions to build sustainable routines.

When most people talk about ADHD and habit building, they focus on symptoms like forgetfulness, time blindness, and distractibility.

But the most important ADHD habit-building challenge is often the most overlooked. That’s Emotional dysregulation — aka Big ADHD Feelings.

Think about it:

How many times have you avoided starting a new habit because you were convinced you'd fail anyway?

That's rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD) and low self-efficacy, two of the most common negative Big ADHD Feelings, at work. 🙈

These emotional ADHD symptoms can stop us from even trying to build better habits in the first place.

And when we do try?

Too often, it comes from a place of shame, guilt, and perfectionism.

But according to behavioral science expert and Tiny Habits author BJ Fogg, "People change best by feeling good, not by feeling bad."

Which makes shame-based approaches to habit-building pretty self-sabotaging.

This is exactly why celebration and rewards are such powerful tools for ADHD brains.

They help us build habits from a place of joy and self-compassion instead of shame and self-criticism.

In this post, we're breaking down how emotions affect habit building with ADHD, why celebration and rewards are so powerful for brains (especially ADHD ones), and specific ways to use these tools to make your habits stick.

How emotions impact habit building

You might think that it takes a certain amount of time or certain number of repetition to build a habit.

But in Fogg’s opinion, the emotions you experience around a habit has a bigger influence on how quickly or well it “sticks” than things like the number of repetitions you’ve put in. Mostly because of how emotions also influence how many repetitions you’ll be able to do.

In his own words, “Emotions create habits, not repetition, not frequency, not fairy dust.”

And for ADHD brains? 🧠

Feeling good while doing the habit itself is even more crucial than it is for non-ADHD folks.

This is because of two key differences in how our brains work:

• Dopamine regulation: Since our brains don't regulate dopamine as easily, so we need things like rewards and praise to help us out.
• Time agnosia: We struggle to see how our actions today connect to our future. This makes it hard to stay motivated by long-term benefits and rewards, making short-term ones more important.

That's why one of the most effective ways to build lasting habits with ADHD is creating a feeling of self-pride and success through celebration rituals.

Fogg calls this concept "shine" - the sparkly feeling you get when you celebrate a win, no matter how small. ✨

And taking a minute to shine after completing a habit does more than just create momentary happiness.

It activates your brain's reward circuitry, reinforcing the behavior you just finished, making you more likely and willing to repeat it in the future.

In other words, by celebrating your wins, you're building both positive habits and positive emotions at the same time.

How "shine" and rewards make habits stick

If you're like most ADHDers, you've probably developed a pretty harsh inner critic over the years. It might tell you that you're not doing enough, being enough, or trying hard enough.

That you need to be “better” or “more together” to finally build habits and keep up your streak.

But none of that is true.

What you really need to build habits, is to be nicer to yourself.

That's exactly why celebration and "shine" are such powerful tools for ADHD brains. They help drown out those negative self-talk patterns by giving you concrete evidence of your wins and progress.

And every time you celebrate doing a habit, you're not just practicing that specific behavior. You're also practicing more positive self-talk, which is a crucial emotional regulation skill for ADHD brains.

I like to call this building a "metahabit" of positive self-talk. It’s a habit around how you approach other habits, more than an activity you do on its own.

The more you practice feeling proud of yourself for small wins, the more natural it becomes to acknowledge them.

Before we go on, let's clear up an important distinction:

All of this information is based on bringing rewards into your habit building, not incentives.

A reward comes from the habit itself - like feeling refreshed after sleeping well or getting endorphins from exercise. This makes you enjoy the actual habit, not just look forward to a prize.

Incentives are separate from the habit, like treating yourself to a massage after completing a training program.

While both have their place in behavior science, rewards work better for building habits since they create an immediate positive connection with the behavior.

How to use "shine" to build ADHD-friendly habits

Now that you understand why celebration and shine are so important for ADHD habit building, let's break down exactly how to use them effectively.

Know when to celebrate

First, there are three key moments to celebrate during any habit:

• When you first remember to do the habit (because with ADHD, remembering is half the battle!)
• While you're doing the habit itself (to help you stay motivated and engaged)
• Right after completing it (to celebrate yourself and reinforce the behavior)

Build your celebration repertoire

Then, to make celebration easier, you can develop what Fogg calls a "celebration repertoire" - a collection of different ways to celebrate that feel natural and fun for you.

Your repertoire might include:

• Saying specific phrases like "I'm doing it!" or "Look at me go!"
• Physical gestures like a small dance move or fist pump
• Playing your favorite upbeat song
• Something that brings sensory joy, like a quick stretch or deep breath

And they don’t need to be serious.

The phrase I came up with for doing my walking workouts - which aren’t even a mile long - is “That’s basically a marathon!”

It just makes me smile to say something so ridiculous, and the smile is the point. 🤷‍♀️

Celebrate all progress

Here's something crucial to remember:

Celebrate your attempts even when they don't go perfectly.

• Did you try to meditate, but got distracted after 30 seconds? That's worth celebrating because you tried!
• Remembered that you needed to workout, but then realized you felt too low energy or were in too much pain to do so safely? Recognizing your body’s needs is a win as well!

Build rewards into the habits themselves

Another powerful strategy is to build rewards directly into your habits.

For example, if you're trying to build a morning routine, include something you genuinely look forward to. It’s legitimately ridiculous how much easier my own morning routine became once I created a custom playlist of songs I really love to wake me up every morning.

Know when to turn up the volume

Finally, don't forget to amp up your celebration game during important moments.

When you're scaling up a habit (like increasing your workout time) or show up on a particularly challenging day, that's when you need extra shine and support.

Remember: there's no such thing as "too much" celebration when it comes to building ADHD-friendly habits.

The more positive emotions you can associate with your habits, the more likely they are to stick.

Small wins lead to big changes

Building habits with ADHD isn't about pushing through with willpower or guilt - it's about creating positive emotional connections that make you want to keep going.

By celebrating your wins and building rewards into your habits, you're not just making them more sustainable - you're also building a healthier relationship with yourself and your ADHD brain.

And if you liked this post, you'll also love:

• Why Motivation Isn’t Enough to Build Habits (Especially with ADHD)
• How Hustle Culture Makes Habit Building Harder
• Gentle Goal-Setting: Set Goals Without Burnout Or Shame
• A Practical Guide to Habit Tracking